In a nontherapeutic context, if your child is too afraid to tell you about an important school project or reveal a personal problem because he’s afraid to upset you or add to your burden, that child is unsupported and suffering alone with his worries. Furthermore, when a child spends an entire hour telling her doctor how worried she is about her dad’s hectic work schedule, that child is not working through her own issues or progressing in therapy. They’re watching, listening, and absorbing every signal you put out, even the ones you don’t realize you’re transmitting. But make no mistake: They are definitely keeping track of yours, especially preteens who are reliant on you for their very survival. Koplewicz’s decades of clinical and personal experience, Scaffold Parenting is a compassionate, street-smart, and essential guide for the ages.Īll of the author’s proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to the Child Mind Institute.In your daily grind, you might not have the time or bandwidth to keep track of your kids’ emotional ups and downs. If your child’s building and your scaffold are on the same level, you can speak directly, look each other in the eye, and keep the lines of communication open.ĭrawing on Dr. The person on the roof will have to “talk down” to you or yell. Stay on their level: Imagine being on the ground floor of a house and trying to talk to someone on the roof.Any effort to block or control growth will actually stunt it. Empower growth: Skyscraper or sprawling ranch-the style of your child’s construction is not up to you! Scaffold parenting validates and accommodates the shape the child is growing into.From this supportive base, your will forge a bond that will survive adolescence and grow stronger into adulthood. Lay a solid foundation: The parent-child relationship needs to be made from the concrete mixture of emotional availability, positive reinforcement, clear messaging, and consistent rules.Explaining the building blocks of an effective scaffold from infancy through young adulthood, he expertly guides parents through the strategies for raising empowered, capable people, including: In Scaffold Parenting, world-renowned child psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz introduces the powerful and clinically tested idea that this deliberate build-up and then gradual loosening of parental support is the single most effective way to encourage kids to climb higher, try new things, grow from mistakes, and develop character and strength.
Never-ending parental problem-solving and involvement can have the opposite effect, enabling fragility and anxiety over time.
Just as sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building and will come down when the structure grows stable, good parenting provides children with steady and warm emotional nourishment on the path toward independence. Siegel, MD, author of The Whole Brain Child “A master synthesizer of attachment science, medical practice, and his own experience as a father, Harold Koplewicz capably and compassionately leads us through the art of scaffolding, from early childhood through the important adolescent period.”-Daniel J. Prevent and counteract the general anxiety and emotional fragility prevalent in children and teenagers today-a new parenting philosophy and strategies that give children the tools to flourish on their own (previously published as The Scaffold Effect).
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